DEAR DIARY. WINKING SMILEY FACE.

I learned three things today that made me really feel like I've lived my life like a candle in the wind. And that's not the only good news, it's not puffy anymore! I feel so good about myself. WINKING SMILEY FACE!

1) Sometimes you have to put your life on hold and tell That Man By The Fence Selling Drugs that you just, 'don't have time. And, 'maybe later.'

Sometimes. But very rarely.

Rarely, like, he's-not-there, kind of "sometimes." Because then you can't.

2) I took a nap around 11pm tonight thinking THIS IS IT! IT'S SHOWTIME but woke up 30 minutes later. And now it's an UNGODLY 6 AM and I'm still wide awake and don't have a predicted sleep E.T.A. until noon-ish. I thought about brushing up on some Spanish since I've become very good at saying such premium foreign things like EL HOMBRE NEGRO ES CORRIANDO and EL GATO ES NEGRO and EL NINA ES NEGRO. But upon that I realised there's nothing else to really learn.

3) A new girl was hired at work this week so I felt throwing in a "THOSE DAMN PORTUGUESE PEOPLE!" here and there would be really funny. There wasn't much of a lesson in this it was just really funny. Oh how I laughed. For hours if not minutes at a time!

"Who are you?"

While we're busy con-cock-ting our greatest tits album, we leave you with these random snipets from the EXPLETIVE DIARY to get a feel of our train of thought on this next album. Enjoy, you stupid homos.

Dear Diary,
- Offroading is nice!
- The List
- Let's roll with it?
- Le Blog
- A-hole, not
- We hate wifi
- What's with ovaries
- Grow up Canada and get some balls
- Chlamydia cannot be deflowered (STD's rock!)
- Sharp Peckers are key
- FAG! FAG! Breasts x 2

What does this mean? I don't know. But listen to some OF MONTREAL and maybe it will make sense. or not.

R'ing you gently with his words,

Aiden

Good question.

During our last Team Band meeting, Aiden and I decided that MSN etiquette could be somewhat of a touchy subject. The Innertech altogether became an Anarchistic society sometime last Christmas when Aiden's limber mom decided to join MySpace. So we came up with some rules to tame the chaos, that although couldn't be legally regulated, are now just strongly suggested:

First, when logging in to MSN, it's only polite to be the one that messages the people already online on your list -- not the other way around. As with walking in to a room, greeting others would be your responsibility. It's rude for someone else to say hello before you can, beating you to the punch. That's rude and that's crazy startling if you've just popped a few vitamins you've found in a locker or just took a sip of that Martini that you roofied.

Second, emoticons are a touchy subject. They're also lame. So, one emoticon per conversation; or actually, just avoid it altogether. And don't even get me started on those Winks. Fuck you, Winks! Emoticons won't make you friends. Fact: Emotionally disparate individuals are three times less likely to find a mate after using emoticons three times or more in the span of one conversation. You'll only be hurting yourself.

Third, Away mode is self-explanatory. Away mode means DON'T MESSAGE ME, I'LL MESSAGE YOU. IF I'M HERE. WHICH I'M NOT. FOR YOU. SO I'M NOT GOING TO.

And friends, don't be afraid to use the Block function. It's also OK to press Close. You don't answer the door when you don't feel like it now, do you?

And it's free.

Sunny
x

The worst part about quitting smoking is the uncontrollable outrages, the irrational cravings and the baffling realization of zero will power.



Oh wait, that's just a regular day.

Sarcasm so much more complicated than I thought.

I've never really stopped to think about it but this band member (me) really stopped to think about sarcasm, and I thought about it long and hard - the way Aiden likes it - like one would ponder global warming; women in the workplace; stuff like that.

It all started when (cue flashback sequence) ...

My boss at work says, "I'm changing the schedule, is anyone changing their shifts around or planning not to work here anymore?"

A question like that invites sarcasm. I raised my hand.

And then I explained I was just kidding out of my boss' concern. Maybe it was in poor taste to kid around about quitting to your boss, but if you can't joke about that then what can you. And what would be the point.

This was even funnier. Tap this.

"Do the things you fucking believe in, alright?" Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day at the MTV Music Awards.

Fuck you Mariah Carey. Fuck every other musician who tells me to pack up my Louis Vuitton. You deserve a GFY.

I know there's something different about the site. Something everyone's been looking at and thinking and questioning and wondering with your eager little prying peckers. Since you've all been wanting to ask or hear some sort of news on it, and I know this for a FACT, I'm just gonna come out and say it. I'll say it with a song in my heart and more so a PICTURE than words. Or a picture WITH words. Whatever.



Sunny has been lost from the blog due to her new found obsession with BITCH TITS of all kinds. While I do agree, they are quite snazzy at times, she has a gone to a whole new disturbing level with her obsession. She has a problem and while I do find that not having her in the band at the moment makes me feel very powerful and supreme, we're gonna have to save her from this. run on sentence.

On a side note, the expletives have recently started documenting our crazy exciting lives (some more so exciting than others(aiden(not sunny(hers is the less exciting one)))). So check back soon for some new development on that END.

Y'ALL WANNA SEE ME DANCE!

aid

Well its that time of year again for the bi-annual awards in which we tell you in FACT whats the what in the best stuff in the history of the universe. ha ha! bi.

Best Dream Sequence in a TV Show:
Claire's "You Light Up My Life" from Six Feet Under

Best Burger Joint:
Johnny Rockets

Best Breakfast Place:
The Grille

Best Vulgar Term For Genitals:
Musty Cunt

Best Thrift Store:
Black Market, Value Village

Best Offensive Term:
FAG!

Best Classy Talk Show Segment:
Oprah’s "My Favorite Things"

Best Facial Hair:
Soul Patch

Best Pop Music Video:
What You Waiting For – Gwen Stefani

Best Trashy Talk Show Segment:
Montel's Silvia Brown

Best Gum:
Excel Spearmint

Best Candy:
Hot Lips

Best Uniform:
NYC Police

Best Fast Food Joint:
McDonald's

Best STD:
Chlamydia

Best Online Slang:
ROFLMAO

Best Canadian:
Emily Haines

Best Canadian Band:
Metric

Best Track on Old World Underground:
IOU

Best Dance Move:
Air guns and "the microwave"

Best Tracks on an Album:
1, 7, 8, 3

Best Reality Show:
Rock School, R U the Girl

Best Footwear:
Uggs, Chucks

Best Colors:
Black, Olive Green, Purple

Best Accents:
British, Russian

Best Handheld Digital Device:
Digital Camera

Best Coffee:
Starbucks

Best Restaurant:
Crispy Rolls

Best Numbers:
2, 3, 6, 9, 7

Best NA Cities:
NY, LA

Best Acronym:
HEP-D (Hustle Electric Panic Disco)

Best Simpsons Episode:
Rock N' Roll Camp

Best Accessory:
Buttons, Belts

Best Truck Stop:
Husky House

Best Six Feet Under Death:
Rapture

Best Holiday:
Dia De Los Muertos!

Best Comedy:
40 Year Old Virgin, Life Aquatic

Best Ice Cream:
Cappucino, Vanilla, as in, NO YOU DI'NT

Best Beer:
Corona, Moosehead

Best Actor:
Johnny Depp

Best Comedic TV Family:
The Bluths/ Funkes

Best Dramatic TV Family:
The Fishers

Best News Reporter (Fiction or Non):
Stephen Colbert

Best Fruit:
Watermelon

Best Vegetable:
Broccoli

Best Names:
Tommy, Gwen, Gia

Worst Names:
Daivd, which BTW this is a BEST OF COMPILATION

Best Greeting:
"Wazzzup!"